(-) nega

(-)

Its 3:30 a.m. and i’m still awake..

I called him, I asked him what he was doing at that moment. He didn’t answer me straight. I asked him who was with him, but he answered me in a slow and careful manner. I did not liked his tone when he asked me if I’m mad, as if I don’t have the right to be mad. He even passed the phone to someone else.

I will never get mad at him even if I have to. I will show him that I care less for him and that I will not call him even if he wanted me to.

I will not waste my time waiting for him every time we had to meet. I would actually go home or stay at home.

No matter how sorry he was, what’s done has done, I will forgive him but will not forget what he did to me.

Everything feel so nega. I don’t know why. Every new year he always made me feel like this. I am not happy. I will be lying if I say I still am.

Sabi ko na nga ba dapat sinabi ko na sa kanya nung nasa zambales na medyo Malabo na feelings ko para sa kanya. At least ngayon sure nako na walang nag-bebrain wash o walang third party.

He had no concern for someone who cares a lot for him. I wish his friends and his stuffs would give him the love and happiness that he was searching. I know I couldn’t be the girl he want me to be kasi hindi ko rin naman pinangarap na maging least priority ako ng taong pagbibigyan ko ng true love ko.

He don’t want me to be happy, I could feel that. He’s just selfish enough to make my life more plain. Andun siya sa kanila iinom magpupuyat di uuwi sa tamang oras tas ako hindi pwede gumimik kasama ng friends bawal magpuyat at dapat umuwi na kagad sa bahay.

Sana mabalik ko nalang yung dati, yung time na halos makalimutan ko na may “kami” pa dahil ang saya saya ko nun. sana hindi ko isinuko ang mga dapat na sakin pa hanggang ngayon.

I’m saying this not because I angry but because I’m unhappy.

This year end was full of regrets, ayoko maging plastic na kesyo wala akong pagsisisi pero lahat ng ginawa ko nun pinagsisisihan ko.

Ako lang ba nakakafeel nito. Sawa na kasi ako kapag pinapaniwala niya ko na mahal na mahal niya ko pero sa pinapakita niya, taliwas naman.